Don’t Let Me Fall

Marc and I have a problem. We’re very compatible when it comes to hanging around doing nothing. We also throw a good party together, we do a good vacation, we like complimentary music, etc. However, when it comes to hobbies we couldn’t be more apart.

Don’t get me wrong, I like that, I’d hate it if Marc and I did everything together. But it would be nice if there was something other than eating, drinking, shopping or listening to music that we could do together. And I think I’ve found it – climbing!

Here you have a sport that is individual (no competition) yet pairs driven (one to climb one to belay) that requires you to work together. And we’re both beginners so we can learn together.

Today we had our compulsory lesson and at one point Marc joked “This is the test, don’t let me fall…” and what did I do? I almost let him fall. Lucky the instructor was there or Marc would have gone splat. The way I see it, this is actually an auspicious beginning. I’m always way more careful at something if I’ve already screwed up.

Highly recommended for couples or daters.

Making Plans

Last week’s Maclean’s featured an article titled “What I Wish I’d Done” a shortish article about a guy who, despite being a financial planner, made many a financial blunder during his lifetime. The big “a-ha” moment for me when I read the article was this:

…married couples should own two properties to prepare for the eventual split. “Before you buy RRSPs, have that second property,” he says. “It allows you to have a formal, pleasant divorce.”

My response? Genius! Sure it sounds jaded, but it’s just more realistic to assume that you won’t be with the same person you’re with in your 20’s as in your 60’s, for whatever reason. Why not plan for that likelihood rather than the ideal? That’s why we buy house insurance and life insurance, right? Why not relationship insurance?

Further to this, I don’t think this has to put a dark cloud over your entire relationship (unless you already have an idealistic view of your relationship, if that’s the case, there’s probably no helping you.) Anyway, if you’re in the pragmatism camp like me, let me share my motto “Live every day like you’ll be together forever, but plan your life like you won’t.”

I think this means that you treat your relationship the same way you treat everything else. You enjoy what you have to the fullest, but don’t take it for granted.

And hey, if we don’t get divorced, having extra investment property never hurt anyone.

Anonymous Over-Sharing

I’m a frequent lurker at this blog.  I like the writer’s blunt and sassy style. So I thought I would repost her plea for dating horror stories which she plans to include in her new book.  I, sadly, am pretty virginal when it comes to the hideously horrible date, probably because I’m too much of a lying charlatan to ever not be in complete control over the whole situation.  So I won’t be contacting her to try to get myself inserted into a book (anonymously or otherwise).

However, I’m sure someone I know has a good story. To get you started, here’s a quickie, I’m sure you can top it.

. . . .

When I was younger, I had a severe problem with not being able to say “no” to a guy.  As in, “will you go out with me” and I would say “yes” when what I really meant was “no.” This lead to more than a few awkward dates.  So one time I had met this guy who was really nice, but just not that cute.  When he asked me for my phone number I was caught off guard because I really wasn’t getting that vibe from our conversation, but I said yes.  Anyway, so he called and I thought, ok what the hell, and I went out with him.  The date was pretty cool because he didn’t try to kiss me or fondle me or anything.  So a second date ensued – again without any kind of physicalness.  At this point I was wondering, is something wrong with my hotness??  I don’t think he’s gay, why isn’t he even trying to grope me?  Maybe he does just want to be friends?

A 3rd date ensued.  I admit I was leading him on, but i just wanted to reject him proper when it was clear that the physical stuff just wasn’t any good – but nothing had happened!  So anyway, 4th date rolls around and he invites me to his house (where he lives with his parents, but they would be “out”) so I was like, here we go, there’s going to be some serious moves put on me, but I went like a trooper because I felt I “owed” it to him (what an idiot).  Anyway, so we go and we have dinner.  No moves.  We hang out.  No moves.  Then *knock, knock* his parents come back home!  And there I am, having never kissed this guy, having only hung out with him a handful of times, meeting his freakin’ parents!  His Dad is all like “So what are your plans in life. . .” and his mom is all like “It’s so good to meet you!”  and I’m like. “Get me the fuck out of here!”

Needless to say, I got the courage to break up with him quickly after that.

Restating The Obvious

I am always amazed at how the simplest things get overlooked on a day to day basis.  Marc and I often find we never talk to each other, even though we spend crazy amounts of time together we *never* talk to each other.  We only talk to one another when we’re in public, usually at a restaurant or bar.  Basically when all we have to do is sit and stare at one another, then we talk.  Early in our relationship this spelled disaster.  I left more than one bar crying.  But now it’s good.  We pretty much know our limits with each other and end up really talking about very personal things – within earshot of 10 or 15 other people.

Things I learned tonight:

1. I never tell Marc “You’re right.”  Apparently my inability to ever concede extends even to Marc.  I told him I promised I would tell him he was right more, but he told me there was no need, it’s more fun to argue it out.  See?  This is why he’s great.
2. There is music that Marc has never played for me, music he thought I wouldn’t like but as it turns out, I really love.  Communication = Good.
3. Those issues I was having with stuff?  He’s noticed it too.  We don’t have a plan to fix it, but at least we admitted we know it’s there.

We also resolved to do this more often.  It makes the idea of “date night” more immediate when you know you can get at all the little issues swimming just below the surface.